#hysterectomyat33

 Almost two years ago, I posted this Thanksgiving Post about my favorite blessing that year - benign test results from a recent surgery. For nearly 18 months I was relatively pain and symptom free and I really believed that I had found a good solution for my endometrosis.

Then last spring, it was back. That same pain. That same discomfort. That same old same. It started as COVID started so I told myself that it was stress, that it would go away. It didn't.

This time, as the months went on, I began having complications that I had never had before. Finally, mid July I called my OBGYN and after hearing my symptoms they gave me the first available appointment just a few days later.

I started with an ultrasound during which the ultrasound tech went from chatty to quiet. She started measuring. I told her, "I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 20. I can see that it's all back." Then I saw a mass. I knew that it was new. My appointment an hour later confirmed that. All of the endometriosis I had cleared out in 2018 was back and worse than before. They had also found a tumor. 

My doctor assured me the tumor was relatively small and that there was one more pill he wanted me to try before having surgery - again. We discussed another laparoscopic cleanout and the potential benefits of doing a uterine ablation. He asked me to give it three cycles - 9 weeks. After the first pill pack, I was in more pain than ever. I tried to wait the full nine weeks but only made it six. The new scan showed that the tumor had grown.

My doctor was so quiet after the new scan. He finally said, "Are you okay with discussing a hysterectomy?" Ultimately, it was the right decision for me and my situation. After 13 years of endometriosis, the polyps/cancer scare in 2018, the damage done to my uterus during my last surgery, and this new tumor - I understood that it was done. My body was done. 

October 2, 2020 I had a total hysterectomy (removal of uterus, Fallopian tubes, and cervix). I stayed overnight in hospital and, with my doctor's permission, signed myself out about 18 hours after surgery to recover at home. The recovery has been long and hard. I am only 3 weeks in and it's been the most difficult/slowest recovery I have ever had. I stayed horizontal for the first five days, slowly moved to sitting, and am now doing some light movement and housework. The full recovery is 6-8 weeks. 

It has been physically painful and also emotional. We have known since Owen was born that we are complete. I've never had that feeling that someone else was coming but it's still so final, so permanent. I will never carry another baby and while I feel joy in the restoration of my health there is some sorrow in the loss of what might have been. The finality of this surgery has involved some processing on my end.

October 13, 2020 I received the news that everything the surgeon removed was once again BENIGN! Praise the Lord. 

I have debated sharing as this is deeply personal. It has impacted so much of my life, and very little of the lives of family/friends/readers, but I am different now. I wasn't sure if I would just go on like this huge thing never happened or if I would share. When the pain came back last spring, I never imagined this is where we would be in the fall. I share in the hope that someone else experiencing pain or discomfort will have the courage to mention it to their doctor and to seek help. Two years ago, I thought I just had some extra cramps so when they said the word cancer I was shocked. After surgery I was so relieved that I had taken the steps necessary to have surgery and get reults. 

I thank and praise the Lord for seeing me through this surgery, this recovery, and for giving me peace with this next phase of life. I am forever thankful for the friends and family who have poured love over us with prayers, cards, pumpkin bread, dinners, games for the kids, etc. I am so thankful for Mark who has been so patient and kind over the years as I have had days where I was in pain or needed extra rest, who completely agreed with and supported this decision which affects not only my ability to have more children but also his, and who has loved me so beautifully and so well this month (and always)