100% - Our 14th Anniversary

 Today marks the beginning of our 14th year of marriage.

Often over the past few years we have often said to each other "Does it scare you how easy this feels?" or "Does life just feel too good?" For several years now, Mark and I have had a real peace in our marriage. 

We, like all people, have disputes - namely over me leaving cabinet doors open, failing to organize items the "right" way, and busy schedules AND over his clutter on the counters, laundry piles, and shopping habits. But aside from little spats, the kind one would have with anyone they live with, we haven't had a real argument in years. 

Over the winter, I heard a couple say that things were going so well for them because 'they had all their big fights in their first 7 years of marriage.' In a way, I think that's really true! 

The real secret to our contentedness? We have each committed to giving the other 100% 

In previous anniversary posts, I have written that we believe the secret to marriage is saying yes and showing up. I think those are both absolutely necessary alongside doing those things 100% of the time. By giving our spouse our BEST version of ourselves we can guarantee that we love them well.

While we live in a world that promotes self-care, self-interest, and sharing jobs 50/50 but the Bible certainly sets a higher standard for us. Ephesians 5 reminds believers to "submit themselves to one another out of reverence for Christ...wives should submit themselves to their husbands...husbands love your wife has Christ loves the church.." WOW! Those are some BIG asks! 

In committing to giving 100% of ourselves to each other, we have walked through some very difficult years (2020 - worldwide pandemic/my health crisis, 2021 - unexpectedly losing Mark's Dad to COVID, 2022 - Adjusting to our new normal) and through these years we have held each other up, together so well. In the past, difficulties drove a wedge between us as we each selfishly chose to put ourselves first but in the past few years we chose to keep serving, loving each other first. Each day that has made all the difference.

100% looks different on different days. On days when we are tired, worn down, sad, etc 100% may mean we have less to give than another day. Fine. As long as we give our very best, in that moment, to loving the other well. More often than we see couples who fight or argue we find that other couples simply become complacent. They forget to pursue, to treasure their spouse and to give their very best. 

I am forever thankful for 14 years of working to daily pursue the one God had for me. 

Happy #14 to my Always and Forever

*Picture from our 17th Valentine's Day together

#13 "They showed up"

 Today is our 13th Wedding Anniversary.

A few years ago, while standing in our kitchen, we had a talk about how we wanted people to remember us. I don't remember the exact circumstances that led us to such a conversation but we quickly agreed that our hope was that people, when we're gone, would say "The Rileys really showed up." 

We talked that day about how we hope remembrances of us are stories like "Mark came to fix my dryer late one night..." or "Amy brought us a meal each time we had a baby..." or "The Rileys let us borrow their lawn mower when ours broke..." 

We committed, early on, to put others first. To have our actions be an outward sign of the deep devotion that we both have to the Lord. We know it is not our works that save us and that we are saved only by the goodness of God's grace so that we cannot boast in ourselves (Ephesians 2:8-10) But especially as a United Methodist Christian I believe that our acts are our means of sharing God's goodness and grace. We want people to say "Those Rileys sure are different. I wonder what makes them that way..." that way we can say "Hey Friend! Let me tell you about Jesus."

We selecting our wedding verses (Colossians 3:12-15 and Romans 12:9-18) we really wanted verses that were different then the typical wedding "Love is patient, love is kind..." readings. We viewed the readings of those verses as a second kind of vows. A way of saying to our family and friends, THIS is how we are promising to live as a couple.I go into more detail about those verses and why we chose them in our 5th Wedding Anniversary post. The beginning of that Romans passage is "Don't just pretend to love others, really love them." 

For our 7th Wedding Anniversary I reflected on marriage being like an improv act, the secret is saying "yes." I still believe that to be true. The willingness to step out, step forward, step together is such a powerful thing. In our efforts to show up for others we've also learned over the years to show up for each other. At thirteen years, our marriage has outlasted many of our friends and I truly believe the secret is that we have committed every.single.day. to show up for the other one. Even on days when we are tired, grieving, or struggling we have remained committed to doing life together. 

Our hope, our prayer, is that the Lord would grant us many more years to serve Him, His people, and to show up for all of you. If anything good comes from us, know that it's Him. 

05.23.09

I remember thinking "I couldn't love him any more"

I was so wrong. 

I love him more everyday. 

Number 11.

Mark and I met at summer camp, courted and were engaged long distance, and then married with him settling into night shift just 6 weeks in. We've never *really* lived a "normal" life or schedule. This summer marks not only our eleven year wedding anniversary but also our eleven year anniversary to Law Enforcement. Our lives have been busy and most often lived separately.

We have always joked that we would like to just run away to the woods and to live alone with our kids. That we'd like a season of life that was slow, easy where we could just exist as a family of four without schedules, office hours, phones ringing, etc. We have always said "someday we'll make it happen."

Then this spring the world shut down. We got our "someday" now. 

The past few months of Shelter in Place haven't been exactly like that... Mark has stilled worked his office hours plus call outs plus Coroner calls but the rest of our lives were cancelled. We ate dinner on our back patio, we took long walks, he was home in the evenings a few times! We have played so many games, got the kids new bikes, worked on a house project, added a pup to our family, and spent more time truly talking to and investing in each other. 

This past year has been so wonderful. Eleven years in and we've really settled into married life. We have slowed down and it's been lovely.

No matter how we do life, I am thankful to do it with this man. The one who encourages me both in word and action, who lives to serve others, and who continues to choose me daily.

Happy #11 my Love.

 Fall 2019 - Pumpkin Patch Day

FPD Christmas Party 2019

*Be sure to check out the Anniversary Tab for all of our anniversary posts

Ten.

Today marks our ten year anniversary.
I thought it would be fun to share my ten favorite pictures of just the two of us.

August 2006

This was Mark's first trip home to Evansville to meet my family.

I had already called to tell them I had met who I was going to marry

and I think they figured they should probably meet him. 

Bowling at River City Rec. 

September 2006

Our first weekend together at Franklin College.

I drove up north to meet his whole family.

We thought we'd just enjoy some time in Franklin while he was in school there,

never did we imagine we'd move back years later to raise our family.

March 2009

For Mark's last college Spring Break, we went out to South Dakota 

to visit Matt and Jenn. They were newlyweds and we were just a few months away from marriage.

It was the only trip the four of us had before the kids all came.

We were two of four people at Mt. Rushmore the morning after a March blizzard. 

May 23, 2009

Our wedding day.

Old North Chapel. 

May 2009

We honeymooned in Maderia Beach, FL thanks to our friends the Steinmetzs and their

generous wedding gift of their condo for a week. Once I realized we were near a 

place called Honeymoon Island, knew we needed to go! 

 June 2009

This was the night we moved into our first apartment.

It was a huge apartment with low rent in a terrible area.

We lived on Ramen Noodles, no heat, and paid down debt at a frantic pace.

February 14, 2010

Taken the week we moved into our first house.

Mark had decorated the living room for my birthday.

It was such a wonderful feeling to be homeowners!

January 27, 2011

The morning our dream came true - we were expecting!

December 2011

This was our first date out after Annabeth's arrival.

It was also the evening of the scariest working day of our lives.

Mark had been injured that day, we didn't quite realize how seriously at the time,

so we headed out to JCSO's Christmas Party after leaving the hospital.

We are thankful for God's healing hand that day and every day since.

 August 2013

For Father's Day that year we surprised Mark with tickets to see

the Robertson Family from Duck Dynasty speak about faith and love.

It was such an encouraging evening to share worship and fellowship with so

many believers. 

 Over the years, we have lived and laughed and loved and cried and hurt and grown. We have worked daily, sometimes hourly, to fight for our marriage. We have resisted temptations, ignored outside influences, and loved more than we ever knew possible.

 May 2019
We took this picture a few weeks ago on a sunny walk when I thought "I am so blessed."

Owensboro, KY

Happy #10 my Love - you are everything. 

My Favorite Love Story

I have always been sucker for a sweet romantic movie (You've Got Mail and While You Were Sleeping are my favorites) I always wanted my first kiss to be on a Ferris Wheel, in the rain. I always wanted the love of my life to meet me at an airport as I got off a plane. I always wanted to be chased like those girls in movies.

Then, at 19, I began to see my favorite love story unfold - ours.

Mark and I met on the third Saturday in May. We couldn't stand each other. He thought I was a snob and self centered. I thought he was too rough, too tattooed. We were both immediately uninterested in the other and that was that. Or so I thought.
I started "lake walks" with different staff members and sometimes Mark would join as I often walked with his brother and a good friend of ours. One night, no one met up but Mark and me. So we went. And during a stop on a bridge, I heard that Still Small Voice say "This is the man you will marry." I remember thinking,"What?! I don't even like him! I don't even know him!" We finished the walk and for weeks I prayed over this during my quiet time and I found it becoming more and more firm from the Lord. So, I began watching Mark. I loved the way he interacted with children, the way he conducted himself after a long day of work, and the way he respected our bosses. I loved the simple nature of his interests, that even on a rainy day he would find work to do, and that we seemed consistent and fair in his relationships. By the fourth of July, I found myself praying on Lake Hill "Dear Lord, please let me be his wife."
On August 3, we officially became a couple. We prayed together over what our long distance relationship would look like and we both moved to college.

Our first fall, I returned to school in Louisville and he started college in Franklin. His grandma passed away, I began having anxiety attacks for the first time, and I was deeply grieving the loss of my dear, dear friend Brandon Sage. I felt very early on that he was now "home" to me and living apart was so very hard.
By the next March, my Granddaddy had passed away, Mark had left school, and we were both complete messes. We didn't fix each other though - not even a little. We gave each other space to grow and to learn and to mess up all on our own. We let each other just be. We each made some big mistakes and we each picked up the pieces by ourselves. Little did we realize how important that would be over the course of our relationship. We learned to be together without having to always-be-together.
That June, we got engaged. Mark knew to ask me in the perfect place on the perfect day of the year and it was just every thing I wanted! It was so wonderful to know that the rest of my life was just beginning.
Nearly two years later, on another third Saturday in May, we married.

Photo Credit: Michelle Forche

We first lived in a nice sized apartment, with a lovely rent price, in a terrible neighborhood. He worked nights, I worked days, and all we could do was wave as we passed each other on 31.
We then bought our sweet little dollhouse which become less and less romantic as we had to rewire it, rid the attic of a raccoon family, and build the back bathroom from the dirt up.
We waited and waited and waited for a baby.
We reached the point in infertility when you hate nothing more than being two instead of three. That point where the empty bedrooms in your house have to be closed off so their emptiness doesn't completely consume you.
And then we had our Miracle Girl. And although I've told her story so many times I know there is no one who really gets it but Mark. No one else who knows the joy of having her, the moment when we realized her heart had stopped, the pain of losing her, and the awe of her second chance like Mark and I do.
We made the move to Franklin and even though I was afraid, Mark said jump, so we jumped. And here we have truly made our home.
We added Owen to our family and Mark saw me through his delivery in such a steady and incredible way. If I had to pick a favorite way to see Mark, it would be the look on his face as we met our son.

In my life,
I have always been "too serious" and often be told to "just let loose"
I have always pushed people away before they ever got close.
I have always been afraid to feel, to commit, to lose.
And Mark was the first one, the only one, who never said those things to me. He never asked me to change. He saw who I was, from the moment we met, and he was right. I have a tendency to be selfish and to be snobby and instead of ever asking me to change - he fell in love with me.
And I was right, he is a little rough around the edges and it makes him fantastic at the job he does. God made him tough on purpose. I have rarely asked him to change - as I fell in love with him.
Despite not asking each other to change, we have done just that. Motherhood has softened me, made me more emotional, more open to change, and it's made me more and less selfish all at once. Mark's life's work has changed him. He has seen things that I cannot even imagine, he has processed scenes more horrific than any episode of a crime based tv show, he has met with victims and their families on a daily basis for six year now. His life is so different than when we met, completely different than the lives our family and friends lead, than we ever imagined. We have changed completely separately and yet still find a way to make our lives work together.

Our story is now twelve years in the making, our marriage is now nine years in progress, and it's by far the messiest, loveliest, best love story I know. Our first kiss, my first kiss ever, was not on a Ferris wheel in the rain (it turns out they shut down fair rides when it rains) but it was still completely perfect. He did in fact, once surprise me by waiting at the airport as I got off my flight. And while I always wanted to be the girl worth chasing, Mark made me realize it's better to just find the one that I have never wanted to walk away from.

So, to my Love, Happy #9 - may our favorite love story continue on from today...

To read all of my Anniversary love letters be sure to check out my anniversary tab 

#8: The 8 Days I Have Been Most Happy to be Married to Mark

Today is our 8th Wedding Anniversary!

In honor of #8 here are the top 8 times I was glad to be married to Mark:

1. Our Wedding Day.
I was not nervous, at all, on our wedding day. I did not have one butterfly in my stomach. We didn't get married until 4:30 in the afternoon, a time decided by a long running inside joke between us, and I was just excited to see him. I remember getting down the aisle, looking at him, and just thinking "I am so glad he's my forever."

The beginning of forever.
05.23.09
Photo Credit: Michelle Forche www.memoriesbymichelle.com

2. Owen's Birth Day
Annabeth's birth has been such a complete mess and I wanted so different with Owen's. I fought and fought to have it all be how I wanted and Mark backed me up with every doctor, every meeting. Then, as we waited for Owen to arrive Mark held me up, he held me together. I remember saying "I don't care how this baby comes, I just want him out" and Mark gave me a look that said "No. You don't mean that and you can do this." So I did. I only made it because of his help and it was perfect, absolute perfection.

Mark with his two children for the first time.

Owen was 18 hours old and Annabeth was the first to meet him

06.03.17

3. Annabeth's Birth Day
It took me months to realize just how much Mark did on Annabeth's birth day. I went into shock at some point and so my memory has always been hazy about different parts. One thing I remember clearly is looking at Mark and seeing the complete and utter fear on his face. I told him "She's fine. I'm fine. We'll be fine." I said that before she started breathing, while I was very nearly bleeding to death and I love him for nodding at me like I was right. That was the best/worst day of my life and I am so grateful that he ran to NICU with her even though before we said he would stay with me. I was so grateful that he made sure they had pictures from NICU for me until I could get down there. I was so glad that he walks with me through the years of emotional recovery from that day.

Mark snuggling Annabeth on one of our first days home

from the hospital. I have about 50 pictures of them together like this.

4. The Day We Moved Into Our First House
We bought our first house in February of 2010, just nine months into marriage. Our first move together had been into an apartment and I had taken three weeks or so to unpack and decorate. I never wanted to move that way again. So when we moved into our first house we moved everything, unpacked, and decorated completely in one day. I am sure he could have cared less about getting everything on the walls but he did it, for me.

The day after we moved into our first house.

02.14.10

5. The Day We Became Debt Free (except for our house payment)
In August 2011, we paid off our last student loan. We had paid off credit cards and two student loans before it. Mark did not enjoy the process at all. He hated most of it and yet he committed to it, with me, for our family.

6. The Day He Agreed To Baby #2
After Annabeth turned 2, I began feeling like someone else should be in our family. By the time she was 2.5, I was certain our family was not complete. Mark was. He felt 100% like we were meant to be a family of three based mostly on a fear of a repeat delivery like Annabeth's. Then one summer evening, he came out back and saw Annabeth staring longingly through the fence at the two sisters who live behind us and he said, "Okay. Let's give her a sibling."

7. Every Day That I Have Not Felt Good Enough
I have always been extremely critical of myself. I have always been far more critical of me than anyone else could ever be. Mark has always been so good about lifting me back up and about being honest about my successes and shortcomings. His honesty, his positivity has made all the difference in the kind of woman, wife, and mother that I am. The past year has been especially rough as many of the close relationships in my life have changed, many of the changes not my choice and they have left me feeling like I am not good enough, and he has pulled me through. He helps me to be stronger.

8. Our Engagement Day
June 30, 2007 Mark asked me to marry him. He asked me in the perfect way, at the perfect place, on the perfect day. I loved that he knew me so well and that he knew exactly how I wanted it to be.

Every day I thank God that He chose Mark for me, that He chose me for Mark. I feel so incredibly blessed to be Mrs. Mark Riley.

Previous Anniversary Posts:
#7 Marriage is Saying "Yes"
#6 Our 6th Anniversary
#5 Our Wedding Verses
#1 ONE
One Month

Marriage is saying "Yes"

Marriage is like an improv act - the secret is saying "yes"

Marriage is saying yes..

Yes, I will marry you.
Yes, I will help you have the wedding you imagined
    (even if it meant I had 10x the number of people I wanted there)
Yes, I will move 3 hours north for you.
Yes, I will take a temp job because we need the money.
Yes, I will work days/nights/7 days a week because I love my wife.
Yes, I will go to your family's holidays alone while you work.
Yes, let's move! Let's buy the dream house!
Yes, you can have a man cave.
Yes, you can have a craft room.
Yes, I will take you to see a panda in real life.
Yes, there are raccoons in the attic.
Yes, that is a Ferrel cat we caught in the cage.
Yes, we are having a baby!
Yes, it's a girl!
Yes, I am sure it's time to go to the hospital.
Yes, I will leave you alone in labor.
Yes, nurse, I will go back in to help my wife.
Yes, she is going to be okay.
Yes, God is so good.
Yes, I will help you recover.
Yes, I will meet you at the ER.
Yes, I will help you apply for your dream job.
Yes, I got my dream job!
Yes, let's move to Franklin.
Yes, stop crying, I am sure it's the perfect house.
Yes, I will help you through knee surgery and recovery.
Yes, I will go to church even though I worked all night.
Yes, let's have another baby.
Yes, we are having another baby!
Yes, it's a boy!
Yes, my wife does want to be induced.
Yes, I will go to lunch so you can labor in quiet.
Yes, our baby is coming!!
Yes, he is perfect!
Yes, I will get up with the kids so you can sleep in.
Yes, I will get up with the kids so you can sleep in since you let me do that yesterday.
Yes, I am sorry.
Yes, I forgive you.
Yes, I will value you and consider you before myself.
Yes, I will forsake all others.
Yes, I will love you more today than I did yesterday.
Yes, I will love you more than I love myself.
Yes, I will continue to keep God first in my life and our marriage.
Yes, I will keep saying yes even when I am afraid, annoyed, confused, tired because I love you enough to keep saying yes. Always.

Happy Seventh Anniversary to my Forever.

Our Wedding Cake Napkins.

Ironic because we never said "I do" 

Our vows were 

"Yes, with the help of God." 

Photo Credit: Michelle Forsche @ www.memoriesbymichelle.com

Our 6th Anniversary

Six years ago today I married my best friend.

A few months ago Annabeth asked me about our wedding picture and what happened that day. I replied, "That was the day that Daddy and I promised God and each other that we would be together, with only each other, forever." A simple answer but a huge commitment.

I promised Mark, and God, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and foresaking all others, keeping only to him all the days of my life.

For better or worse.
In the past six years, we have had some really good times and some really bad times. We have held hands through joy and through sorrow. We have shared words in whispered talk of the years to come and loud, harsh words of anger. We have loved each other and been good to each other and we have loved each other on days when we have been not-so-good to each other. We have loved each other through bright days and dark days.

Richer or poorer.
We have never been rich by the world's standards but I feel that we are. We have always had a roof to live under and food to eat. The Lord has seen fit to bless us with enough for our needs and extra to bless our church and others.

In sickness and in health.
We have walked through four surgeries together. Mark was by my side and I labored towards the delivery of Annabeth. Mark held my hand as we watched our daughter's body enter the world, he held me as we prayed for a miracle, and he was with me as we heard that first teeny, tiny miraculous cry when the Lord gave her life again. We have loved each other through the surgeries that followed that day, an injury and surgery following an arrest Mark made, and through our health journey with Annabeth.

Foresaking all others, holding only unto each other.
We do not spend our days looking forward or back at who we might have hard or who we might have in the future, instead we know that we are meant for each other alone. We waited for each other and we will spend our days, how ever many are given to us, only with each other.

All the days of my life.
We chose this wording because we believe marriage is forever. Marriage, in our hearts and minds, is not just for this life but for this life and the Life Eternal.

It is my greatest honor to serve our Lord each day as Mark's wife. I thank and praise the Lord for my husband who seeks the Lord and to do His will alongside me each day. May we continue to live in Christian marriage and may we do His will all the days of our lives. Amen.

I will love you forever. 

Photo Credits: Michelle Forche www.memoriesbymichelle.com

Our 5th Anniversary

Today is our 5th Wedding Anniversary!

We are so blessed to have shared these past five years of Christian marriage. We thank and praise the Lord for bringing us together and keeping us together.

Today I thought I would share a few pictures as well as our wedding verses.

All photos are from Michelle Forche, our photographer, who captured the day beautifully.
If you are looking for a photographer in the Evansville area we encourage you to visit her site:
Memories by Michelle

My Handsome Groom  

I was so excited to see Mark!

Praying for our future. 

Our first moment as Mr. and Mrs. Riley 

We selected verses that are about love, both our love for the Lord and His people as well as the Lord's love for us. Our reader was my college roommate and dear friend, Leah.

Our first reading was a reminder to ourselves and our guests of the way to live. The words contained our goals for our marriage: love, honor, work hard, serve the Lord, pray, practice hospitality, and live in peace. We really enjoyed the simplicity of these words of life instruction from the book of Romans:

"Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord ethusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and always keep praying. When God's people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you. Don't curse them; pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don't be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know it all! Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone." - Romans 12:9-18

Our second reading was another set of helpful reminders for living as God's people. We really wanted to instill in our hearts the Lord's desire for us to be merciful, kind, gentle, and patient:

"Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves in love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body we are called to live in peace. Always be thankful." Colossians 3:12-15

We are so thankful for all of you, for beginning the blog journey with us as a couple preparing for marriage. We intended to use this blog to share our wedding plans with friends and family across the country and by the Grace of God it has become so much more. We have loved these first five years of marriage and we look forward to a lifetime together!

Other Wedding/Anniversary Posts:
- Celebrating One Month of Marriage
- Celebrating One Year of Marriage

ONE

This past weekend we celebrated our FIRST wedding anniversary! We spent the weekend at Clifty Falls State Park at the Clifty Inn. We enjoyed some wonderful, early morning hiking. We were up early enough to avoid the heat and to be the first ones on the trail. We saw many beautiful creatures including a millipede as well as some playful chipmunks and groundhogs! We also spent a good deal of time in historic Madison, IN. I have to say that there was a alot to do and we're already planning a trip back next fall to see more!

As far as travel recommendations, I encourage everyone to visit Franco's in Downtown Madison. It's a little, family owned Italian restaurant where we enjoyed homemade pasta, sauces, and dessert. It was amazing! We always joke that our names and heritage are German-Irish but our stomachs are Italian. Good thing our loves match!

One Year. One Love. All thanks to the One God.