Friday, September 23, 2011

Chicken Butter

If you've spoken with me since January you know I've become a total ding-dong. No really, the educated, college brain I worked so hard to develop has become a "palcenta brain." This is a REAL condition that affects women from the beginning of pregnancy and can last all the way through their youngest child's fifth year. It's a condition where in order to simply survive the woman's brain often forgets to do anything but think of the baby and thus the woman becomes a complete ding-dong about everything else in the world. This is me now.

Wednesday Mark and I went to WalMart. We desperately needed groceries and I cannot push the cart without contractions so we went together. We arrived in the cold foods section with "butter" as the next item on our list. I like the Smart Balance with Flax Seed, Mark likes the Country Crock Fat Kid Butter and so every other purchase we trade off which kind we get. It was his turn. And so I send him over to pick his butter, he brings it over, and for some reason I could have sworn that label said "Chicken Butter."
*Note: Chicken is, and has been since January, the most disgusting thing in the world to pregnant me*
I said, "Chicken Butter?! What is that?!" Mark just stared at me like I was insane - remember, placenta brain - "Calcium Added." Upon a second glance I realized he was right, he had not selected Chicken Butter but rather Calcium Added. So, there I was in the cold foods section, 9.5 months pregnant with my skinny little feet bloated out to the size of small countries, in one of the last shirts that fits, with Annabeth swinging from my ribcage like it's a set of monkey bars...and I just laughed, loud and long. Mark finally just pushed the cart away from me, moving on to the milk section, clearly pretending to not know that crazy, giant footed, laughing woman who wouldn't even let her husband buy Chicken Butter.

If you're now sure that I'm insane and sorry that you're my friend: Annabeth will be five in a few years, you may want to come back then when I have normal feet, a waistline, and my college educated brain back.


sarah said...

oh, amy, i love you :) praying for you, mark, & lovely annabaeth. hope she makes her debut soon & you can get back to "normal" cognition. love!

Lady Suzanne of Greenbriar said...

who is going to the brave one who tells you that the brain will never be the same - you will have mommy brain where you think of your child forever- no matter how old you are!