It was the night before Christmas break. We had just spent a lovely evening with dear friends and exchanged Christmas gifts. He walked me out to my car as snowflakes fell around us. The driveway was surrounded by snow covered trees and twinkling Christmas lights. It felt like the end of every romance movie I had ever seen. He leaned in to kiss me. I panicked! I quickly hugged him and drove off crying.
On the way home I had this conversation:
"What the heck Amy? Seriously?! You've been waiting for that moment for months. Go back. Go back. You're 16, kiss him."
Then I heard this, plain as day, as though someone was in the car and said it to me:
"You should only kiss one man. Your husband."
"One Man. Your Husband."
I pulled into a parking lot and prayed.
I spent the next few months really struggling with this. I was a Christian, I went to church, my parents went to church, but they had not made this particular decision. Many of my friends were Christians but they had not made this decision. They all had first kisses years before. It was confusing. I always had known that I wanted to save sex for marriage but it seemed like everyone was kissing everyone. It was lonely. Most of all, it at the time created a broken heart, as I didn't know how to explain to my 17 year old boyfriend that I did not want to kiss anyone until I was sure they were who I was to marry. That lack of honesty and communication caused me to withdraw my heart from the relationship and ultimately it ended, albeit into friendship, within a month of "the" night.
My freshman year at UofL I became involved with Campus Crusade for Christ (CRU) and in those Bible studies I met quite a few young women and men who not only were saving sex for marriage but also limited the physical intimacy in their relationships. Finally, other people felt like I did. It was so wonderful and so refreshing to be able to talk about it.
I am so blessed to had my first kiss be my one, my always, my forever, and someday, before I return Home, my last.
Me and Mark on our First Wedding Anniversary - 05.23.10
(No one wants to see people kissing pictures so this will have to do!)
Linked to: Raising Homemakers