Friday, October 5, 2018

Her Favorite Number Seven

Today our Annabeth Sage is SEVEN!
Seven is, and has been for many years, her favorite number. She has been waiting since about her 5th birthday to be 7. She has decided this will be her best birthday and her best year!

I keep journals for the kids and in many instances these blog posts get printed and added as well. But this one, number seven, has been hard to write.

In so many ways, I have moved so far away from her actual birth-day. I have recovered as much as I think I ever will without letting go completely of the goodness and grace of God and His saving hand that morning. I still cry when she dances. I still sneak into her room to watch her sleep. I still stand in complete disbelief sometimes that she is mine, ours.

This year, Annabeth has asked alot of questions about her birth. What happened? Why did it happen? We even talked it over with our doctor together. She had some basic questions like "Why was I blue?" or "Why do we have pictures of Owen being born and not me?" and then some tough ones like "Did I go to heaven when my heart stopped?" and "Do you think I saw Jesus?"

We have been reading Psalms this year and a theme of Psalms is praising God everywhere, for everything, with all that we have. She said to me, "I want to use every heartbeat for Him." It was quietly spoken, on a sunny afternoon in our schoolroom. Just me and my girl and Jesus.

When I look at Annabeth I see JOY. I see such a passion for life and for people and for living.
When I see Annabeth I experience LOVE like no other. She is my firstborn, my first understanding of what it means to unconditionally love.
When I hold her, I am intensely aware of her seven year old body and how far we've come from that tiny 9 lb 1 oz baby. I remember waiting hours to meet her, holding her in the NICU, and trying to introduce myself while just sobbing. She was a tiny little baby, a mixture of my sister and Mark in appearance and I kept thinking, "Why does she look like Lu and Mark?! Why doesn't she look like me?" It was a foreshadowing as she is so much like my sister and so much like Mark!

I am so deeply gratefuly for each and every day with our Nanners,
our Monkey Monk,
our Miracle Girl.
Happy Favorite Number Seven!

Annabeth Sage, 7 months
How did we get to seven years so quickly?!

1 comment:

Abbi said...

I love that she wants to use every heartbeat for Jesus!!