Tuesday, September 29, 2015

We Loved Them First

There is someone in my life who I often accuse of living in the past. I always complain that this person thinks the best years of their life was when their children were young. I have judged their inability to see how beautiful life is right now.

I am sorry.
I get it now.

My children are young, almost 4 years old and almost 4 months old - both happening this week, and I cannot imagine life any more wonderful.

I spend my days cuddling.
I spend my day holding hands.
I spend my days giving kisses.
I spend my days reading.
I answer questions. I ask different questions.
I think.
I dream.
I build "dream castles."
I play house.
I clean house.
I dance.
I sing.
I make Anna-butter and jelly sandwhiches.
I nurse Owen.

Some moments feel tedious.
Some moments feel long.
Some moments feel rough.

But at the end of the day, it always feels too short. There are not enough hours for all the love I want to give.

Maybe it's because Annabeth is our Miracle Girl. Our one whose heart stopped, whose first breath didn't come. Our one who the Lord so graciously saw fit to save. Who made us Mama and Daddy.

Maybe it's because Owen fixed parts of me that I didn't realize were broken. Our one who fulfilled dreams I didn't know I had - a perfect delivery, to be a boy-mama. Our one who completes us.

Today I realized they won't always be just ours. They will grow up. They will choose their friends over us on Friday nights. They will move out. And eventually, someday, they will love someone more than us. They will each, I pray, fall head-over-heels in love and be sure that they have never loved anyone that much nor have they ever been loved so much. They will be wrong, we loved them first and God loves them most.

But until Annabeth meets a man that she wants to dance with more than Daddy and before Owen finds a woman that makes him smile bigger than I do, they are ours.

We're doing our very best to love them first and we are sure that God is loving them best.

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